I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
