I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
