lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
