i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
