His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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