theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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