sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He passed out mid-signature
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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