Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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