I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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