Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
