so explain again why im purple
no
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
