ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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