it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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