It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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