Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
