That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
