Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
