Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
