Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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