Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
