True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
