He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
