# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
