If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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