Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
