quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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