walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
