So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
