I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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