Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
