Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
