I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
