There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
