hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
