please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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