Sponge bath it is.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize