Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
