im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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