Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
