I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
