I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
