Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
