After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
They have beer where we have blood.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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