I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
