everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
