I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
