Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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