My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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