Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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