I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize