Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
