on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
