ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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