I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
