Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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