I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
