my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
