At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize