Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
