We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
