At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize