if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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