the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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