not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize