someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
