The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I believe in your delicious
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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