This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
