They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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