does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
