I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize