take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My bed smells like the plague
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
