I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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