This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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