If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
