some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We are all done wearing pants today
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