She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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