I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
