My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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