i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
how does that bad decision feel?
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