He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
