Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
