She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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