shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
