Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So squirting runs in the family.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
