so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
