pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
