so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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