I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You've changed since you got that strap on
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
