is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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