The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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