If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
