im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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