Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize