i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
