Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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