My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
