even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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