I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you inspire me to be a worse person
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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