Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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