Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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