Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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