She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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