Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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