who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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