Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
