I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Found the puke drawer
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
