When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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