Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Define "chronic" masturbator.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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