You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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