as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
